Structure, cleanliness and emotional calm make the weather for their experiences at home. Chaos rarely breeds comfort and kids “learn” to be either calm or anxious in the calm; and they learn it from their environment growing up.
As parents, our job is to create the structure that allows kids to develop with as little stress as possible for them.
The first step is routines. Kids need them and adults, particularly parents, need to work to establish routines that are predictable and consistent.
Secondly, kids need to know the expectations that will allow them to succeed; both in school and at home. It is our job as parents to communicate these expectations. Consequences for not meeting expectations and rewards for working to meet expectation.
Lastly, the environment needs to be conducive to the expectations. Calm, clean, smelling good and orderly are all soothing to kids and to adults. We must work to establish a positive environment for kids that supports their success.